30 FOR 30 (I changed the name- :-) : No. 20 - A Severe Mercy

Thank you Katti for reminding me that I am a slacker and I need to follow through with what I say I am going to do. Also, thank you for walking through my dramatic "dating" life. The "drama" (said with a long "a" for the Canadians) was PRE-Eric of course. *smiles

Yeah, I'm going to go there. I have a history of hanging out for a long time in relationships that are going nowhere. For the sake of the parties involved, I won't go into detail but I will touch on one particular break-up. Though there were many over the years, this was the one that impacted me and changed me the most.

We had been wrestling with this relationship for months (this time around). I knew that I didn't have the strength on my own to walk away so I didn't. We had planned to see a movie together and an hour before the movie was supposed to start he called and said we needed to talk. When we met, it was obvious that he had been crying... for a while. In less than an hour it was over... for good. Just like that. I left, feeling like I just wanted someone to tell me that I was going to be ok. I drove to the Walton's house. No one was home, but I went inside and finally cried. I got my journal out and turned to the last page that I had written in. This is what I read:

"God, surprise me. Do something big. Take over this situation and bring YOUR will about. Let him know where You're at with this. Give him the strength to take responsibility of this and the burning desire to do what is right because I know that I can't."

I thought back to seeing him that afternoon and recalled seeing what I had just prayed for written all over his face... "the burning desire to do what is right." My prayer was answered that day. I immediately knew that this was the right thing and even though at the time it ripped my heart out, I knew that God was working in my life and that He cared enough to answer my prayer. Donna returned home shortly after I got there and she did tell me that I was going to be ok. And I actually believed it. She also told me to read a book called "A Severe Mercy" by SHeldon Vanauken which is one of my favorite books to this day.

From this experience I learned that I needed that very thing that felt SO severe to happen. I needed it so that through God's mercy, I could walk away from something that had become an idol in my life and continue on the best path for my life, free from the distraction that had been so pervasive for years. I know he won't read this, but if he did, I would say thank you for doing the right thing that day.