30 in 30 No. 12- Emily

In 30 days I will be turning 30. I’m actually really excited about turning 30 and I’ve decided to enter into this transition intentionally. For the next 30 days I will be writing a blog a day about an event, person, experience that has had a significant impact on the woman that I am today and who I am becoming.

I met Emily on my first day of work at PAL Youth Center. We hit it off right away and had a fantastic summer working and playing together before I moved to California and she went back to Seattle Pacific. I remember the first time I invited Emily to hang out with my friends. We were at the Walton’s house and we ended up playing “Psychiatrist.” Emily fit right in. One of our default hang-outs that summer was Skip-Bo at Starbucks. She quickly became one of my most trusted friends.

After that summer we remained close, always getting together at breaks when we were both home. We got together a couple of times after she married Gavin in April 2004. We often talked about how we couldn’t wait until we could live in the same city again. Unfortunately we never got that opportunity.

I was in my apartment at Pacific University on December 8^th, 2004 (exactly 56 months ago today) when I received a phone call from a friend of Emily’s. My immediate thought when she introduced herself as “Emily’s friend…” was “oh my gosh, are they having a baby?” The voice on the other line proceeded to tell me that Emily had been hit by a car while crossing the street and that she had died. I was stunned. I remember getting off the phone. Tears flowing down my face, I dropped to my knees and pounded the floor with my fists repeatedly. I was devastated. The hours that followed are mostly a blur. I tried repeatedly to talk myself out of believing it and all I wanted to do was go for a run. (which is ironic because I used to tease her all of the time saying, “who runs for fun anyway?”).

Lisa Brown (who went to high school with Emily) and I drove up to Seattle for her funeral. I remember as I was driving, how fragile life felt. Lisa was pregnant with Emery at the time and I was terrified knowing the value of the lives that were in my hands. I didn’t really start processing until the following weekend when I forced myself to write about it. This experience made me so angry. It is so unfair! I can’t even articulate how amazing this woman was. And yet at 24, 7 months after she married her soulmate, she was gone. Just like that.

It was an accident. This ONE time, the fog was too thick, she was in too much of a hurry. This did not need to happen. And if I didn’t believe in a God who cares enough to feed the birds, this event might have ruined me. I think what this did in my heart was make life a little scarier and God a little bigger.

Another thing it did was bring me Jessica. Jessica is Emily’s little sister who happened to live in the building I moved into as an RLC at SPU the following summer (how ironic that I finally moved to Emily’s city 7 months after she passed away). Jessica is a wonderful young woman who I love deeply. Not only is she adorable, wise, independent, strong, fun, passionate, deep and incredibly talented… but at times I even see a glimpse of Emily in her. I’m so thankful that God brought her into my life. (I love you Jess!)

I didn’t expect to cry while writing this. At times I forget how deep those wounds actually are. I’m honestly glad that I still cry when I force myself to think about Emily. It reminds me of how much I still miss her.